She was weeping as she held the receiver firmly with her long fingers. Uncle Ben was at the other end, trying to console her. She wasn’t very sure of what was making her cry. Was it her husband who was taking her for granted or was it simply the soothing voice of her uncle. She wanted to be a part of the conversation but for that she wasn’t too attentive . Plus it was really hard to cry as well as talk at the same time.
There were tiny episodes that were popping up in her head, that she had to share with uncle Ben just to re-emphasis the endless ways in which her husband was wrong. In the process she was missing out what he was sharing.
“So accept it as a compliment” concluded Uncle Ben and then he paused.That was the only highlight of the conversation.
“What? What did you just say?”
“I said, if he is taking you for granted that is an invisible compliment for you. I wish you had the vision to see it.”
“Can you please elaborate?” she requested. After 4 months of excessive fights, conclusions, retrospection this was something new for her. Suddenly now she was talking.
“I think Uncle Ben, an illustration would make it easier for me to comprehend the whole idea.” she suggested hoping what she was asking for, made sense. ‘I don’t want to make a fool of myself by demanding something that he has already spoken.’ She thought.
"sure sweetie, anything for you! Do you know even the laws indirectly encourage you to take your loved ones for granted?"
“Yes darling! Really!
Suppose I casually promise a car to my employee. The judges will conclude that the possibility of me having an intention of contracting is high, as only an idiot would promise such a thing to an employee, without really meaning it. Hence making it enforceable.
On the other hand, I promise a car to my wife and I seriously intend to buy her one. However for some reason I cannot, later we fight and then she sues me. Now the judges will say as a husband I did not intend to get into a contract with my own wife. There is no contract between the two that can be enforced. There is only a promise. Hence she is taken for granted by the law merely cause she is my wife."
“Wow.! I was not aware of such discrimination.”
“The reason why I told you this is I want you to understand..”
“ That you can only take your loved ones for granted. I know it is very hard to be at the receiving end, but the intentions of the doer are in fact nil."
“ Uncle Ben, I will never say it was deliberate on his part on any of the occasions , but it hurts and makes me wonder if I am no more important.”
“Rather than focusing on HOW he has been with you,
shift your attention to WHY he could take you for granted.!
The answer is evident. There are not many whom he can. In reality, I guess you’re the only person whom he can and you must let him. If you let him, some day he will change.”
“yeah, I partially get your point .” She really was. That moment was magical. Her anger was dissolving.
Uncle Ben continued, “when I have too much of work, I presume my wife and kids will understand, and they do. The result is I am happy for being understood and they are satisfied as they truly understand my real issues. I take them for granted not because they aren’t important but on the contrary they are the only people who belong to me and to whom I belong. I can afford such a luxury and enjoy such leniency only with them. I always wanted at least one person on this planet who will not mind being taken for granted and now I am blessed with three instead.
Moreover as they understand me I also feel an obligation towards them. I see to it that I don’t make them understand me every now and then. However this feeling comes ONLY when the person at the receiving end shows compassion. If you react, he’ll react and that is a vicious circle. When you are angry and hurt think of the love that made you marry him. Truly think of it and you will see how the love will help you swallow the anger."
“Every person is in search of a consistent relation. Most relations that end …….”
“Uncle Ben I have got your point.” It was VERY important for her to interrupt. Uncle Ben can just go on and on.
"Thank you very much. With the logic that you have just shared, there have been a million times when I have been complimented and now I’ll hang up so I can thank him and assure him that I am there besides him."
She wrote a note to her husband.-
Every time you will take me for granted, I will accept it as a compliment as it reminds me of how much you love me. Sweetie you are free to take me for granted whenever you want, I’ll understand. However don’t forget there are other ways of complimenting as well.” ;)
With lots of love,
Ur lovely wife who is back.
Her husband after that day seldom took her for granted and whenever he did she never felt it. Whether she made a fool of herself that day continues to be a mystery, but now at least she has the secret to happiness..
Please Note: These thoughts are expressed by Ketaki Joshi, a resident of India, who loves blogging. Have a good day.!